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Ray Gregory

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  1. Thank you @Joy and @Hope Henchey for straightening me out about the wetness.
  2. Thank you @Holly Schurter and @Helen Dent for your kind words. I'm glad the meaning came through in the end. This healing, from Mark chapter 8, has been in my meditation for the last week or so. Mark is the only gospel writer who records it, and it is the only one of Jesus' miracles where the healing takes place in stages, where there is first a partial healing, then a full healing.
  3. @Holly Schurter, I was definitely at a loss for explanation after your first line, but you clarified it very well. I think your plot was compelling, and you kept moving it forward as well. I also like your concrete description of Lydia and of Mandy's emulation of her attitude when Mandy came to visit. I am wondering if the experience of the story could be made more powerful by providing more concrete details in the rest of the story, although it's hard when you are constrained by the word length. The part I found most compelling was where you wrote 'in-scene' about Lydia's response t
  4. Thank you, @Aimee Guest, for your words of encouragement. Yes, it is in reference to that Bible story. Also yes, Samuel focused on the ants and cloud because he could see.
  5. Very powerful, @Aimee Guest. I was definitely disoriented at the beginning, but you unfolded grim clarity in the rest of it. I think your many concrete descriptions help to make the emotional impact greater. I especially liked "part of me hopes he’s not aware of all the things he’s lost: his ability to read, to appreciate a peach milkshake from Chick-fil-A, ..." I also like your analogy with mountain climbers. I like this story a lot.
  6. @Helen Dent, this feels like a fun intro to an action packed suspense thriller. I was disoriented at the beginning, and I am still a little unsure what the initial water project was all about. Is there any way to clarify this a little after the beginning? I like how you don't use many dialog tags, yet it isn't too difficult to follow. I also like the surprise detective work at the end. Thank you for sharing this.
  7. @Brian ORear, there's a good bet you can be successful at disorientation when you start with the inside of a cow (great simile, btw). I think your imagery does a superb job of painting the scene. It seems evident that the narrator was nervous, afraid, and even a little excited. However, I didn't feel hit with a strong emotional punch. If you want to increase the emotional punch, are there additional details that would contribute to that? It took me a little time to grasp with he phrase "...a mixture of dread and anticipation like butterflies before a big game filling me..." Is there a better w
  8. @Bill Delvaux, I was indeed disoriented and most of the way through this. I like the way it ties together in the end. It also makes me inclined to think about the true essence of prayer. Thanks for sharing this.
  9. Great disorientation, @Lindsay Kyle. I was completely lost after the first paragraph, but you brought it together very well in the rest of this fun story. The surprise ending makes it even more fun.
  10. @Joy, I like how you keep adding details to build an emotion that we can begin to share with you by the end of this short account. You make it seem like there is a good deal of compelling story that remains to be told both before and after that troubled Sunday morning.
  11. I felt this was engaging and compelling. You give many concrete details that contribute to the experience. Your presentation from the baby's point of view is both amusing and thought-provoking. The baby's connection to the Voice is especially evocative. I appreciate your explanatory comments. They help me a lot. The only part I am still confused about is the wetness on the forehead. Please excuse my ignorance. Is that infant baptism? Thank you, @Hope Henchey, for sharing this.
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