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Jennifer Searls

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    Jennifer
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    Searls

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  1. Hi, Holly! I love your opening line! I am totally reading on to see what's gonna happen....! but I started getting lost, backing up, starting over when I got to "It wouldn't fit her picture of Mandy....." at that point all kinds of information and people started coming at me. So much to contain in such a small word count. It strikes me that this could definitely be all played out in a powerful larger piece. I wonder what it would be like for you to expand just a first scene within these 500 words. Perhaps show me what Lydia's picture of Mandy is. And how that doesn't include a knife in h
  2. I am intrigued by the layers of meaning re: voice in this piece. The baby in search of the Voice, the embrace of 2 Voices within the story.....Even as you the writer are developing a voice for the baby to help you tell the story! What a remarkable challenge to "show more than tell" the perspective of a baby - you must consider what exactly can a baby even tell?!? Your questions about baby vocabulary are great! I don't know the answers, but you are doing good work!! I can't think off the top of my head of examples of stories (even picture books, perhaps) that are told from the newborn perspect
  3. Great storytelling and dialogue, yes! I'm not sure if you ultimately mean for this to stand alone, but it feels like it fits solidly into a larger story that I want to read! The opening water project works great for the disorientation prompt, but if you mean for this to be the sum of the story, I think it would be useful to the reader to somewhere in there get a bit more explicit info about how/why it happened that they accidentally chopped a hole in a water line in the house. I imagine you want the reader hopping on the bike to Nevada, not stuck wondering about the water break. If
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